APHORISMS

 

♦  I read that 4,153,237 people got married last

year. Not to cause any trouble….but shouldn’t that be an even number?

 

♦  I find it ironic that the colours red, white and

blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you.

 

♦  When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their

body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

 

♦  Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you

ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 

♦  America is a country which produces citizens who

will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote.

 

♦  You know that tingly little feeling you get when

you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body

 

♦  My therapist says I have a preoccupation with

vengeance. We’ll see about that!

 

♦  I think my neighbour is stalking me as she’s been

Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

 

♦  Money talks … but all mine ever says is  good-bye.

 

♦  You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

 

♦  If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive,

try missing a couple of payments.

 

♦  I always wondered what the job application is

like at Hooters.  Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

 

  ♦  The location of your mailbox shows you how far

away from your house you can go in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

 

Now,

don’t you feel better knowing what an aphorism is.